Christine's "I-want-to-be-damn-sure-my-husband-won't-complain-about-the-lack-of-salad" beets:
Break the roots off the beet greens. Keep for later use (unless you already used them, in which case this step is already done).
Wash the beet greens - they're really flat, so I didn't sweat this too much, just rubbed the whole mass of them together.
Grab the cleaver, and make any neighbours who pass by glad that they're not beet greens. Repeat with some garlic. (I laid the beet greens with the stems in the same direction, and cut every 3-4 cm, so the stems are in pieces, and the leaves are in strips. I used a couple of tablespoons of garlic).
Jam everything in a casserole and steam until done.
As it turns out there might be something to the recipe in the Joy, it looks like frying it with bacon fat would have worked well. (I'm aware that the recipe calls for using actual bacon, but let's be realistic).