That Homemade Look

So now that the baby (who I'm sure doesn't use the internet much) has received his gifts, I can show you the pencil pillow I made:
It's from the Readers' Digest Complete Guide to Sewing, and I mostly followed the instructions. I hadn't seen any pictures of it online, so here we go. Sorry there's none with a scale factor, it was just past my waist if I stood it on end on the ground. There's a few mistakes, one of which was me not examining the pattern for what wasn't said carefully enough (there's a trick to turning the point that I forgot about), one was me not thinking when I changed the pattern (no, you cannot do machine top-stitching after you stuff it. Trust me.) One of the problems, however, brings up an interesting philosophical point. The appliqué lettering has issues. Now, had I made the pencil without the letters, it would have been fine. It would fall on the "handmade" side of the "homemade" vs "handmade" dilemma from the knitters' point of view. At least, it could have. But, without the letters, the pencil wouldn't have been quite as good. And the portion without the letters is just as good as it would have been either way. I know that I personally would feel better if I make something simple well, than if I make something fancy poorly, even if I show the same level of skill each time. But when I add something complex to something simple, where does that fall?

And I need to share that having a mechanical engineer around the house is great for sewing, not just for fitting stuff (and knitting). Look at what Allan suggested so that I could more easily do the topstitching:
See that tape? Genius I tell you. (I didn't have a marking on the plate, because I was using the edge of the feed dog, because the topstitching needed to be right at the edge).

Martha and Mary, again

The lectionary gospel reading recently was the story of Mary and Martha. I've always had a hard time with this one. I am very much like Martha, who appears to be in serious trouble in this story. It's a really strong resemblance. When we had "The Sons of Martha" read for us I had a really hard time seeing how it says that life might be better if we cared more for the finer things - i.e. if we were more like the sons of Mary. I'm still not sure that I see it that way. And yet this gospel story seems so clear - it's better to lead the contemplative life than to fret about cooking and cleaning.

Fortunately theology has evolved to recognise that our bodies are important too. Yes, there's still recognition that those who are called to consecrated life have a harder time, because it is so much more counter-cultural, but it's generally understood (especially by theologians) that other calls are just as valid and just as holy - not merely second chances for those who can't cut it with the "good" call. I remember explaining in confession that really, I did corporeal acts of mercy. I'm not very good at the spiritual ones. My confessor at the time reassured me that that wasn't a loss, it was still good service. But yet the story remains.

So after mass I talked to Father Con about it. I told him my dilemma, and how it seemed very clear-cut (but impractical) in the story. He pointed out to me that I needed to remember the context. Why did Luke feel the need to include this story? What was he trying to say? The key message here is to focus on what's important. Don't let yourself get distracted by minutiae. If you serve by cooking and cleaning, then focus on that, but make sure that you focus on the service, not on the cleaning.

I think I can do that. It won't be easy, but it's possible. Which makes it sound much more correct to me.

It Makes A Little More Sense Now

So, I read an article which was explaining why it makes sense to cohabitate before marriage. And I now have more insight into two things, namely why people feel that you'd get to know someone better when you were living together and not married (remember, if you live together for 8 years or so, the divorce risk is now down to normal, it's no longer elevated), and why the divorce risk might be higher.

The woman explained to her boyfriend that she was going to need extra closet space, and was horrified and surprised when he explained that he was going to want half of it. This comes as a surprise? I'm not going to try to justify what he did (but honestly, she shouldn't be expecting extra closet space), but how could she move in with him without knowing this? The other big surprise, was apparently that he didn't want to share laundry with her.

If you use moving in together to replace actually talking to each other, and think that moving in with someone is a better way to get to know them than just actually getting to know them is, then of course you're going to think that moving in together is necessary, because you can't know if you'll get along with them before you live together. (Oh, and by the way - I know that trying to live in the same house, but with two different households works for some couples, but it's not a great sign). And if you observe instead of talking, and have set ideas of what each person deserves (no negotiation over closet space or laundry?) I really can't see things working well if the going gets tough. Now I'm curious about how much damage the "never get married before 25" would cause along some of these same lines.

Catholic Education Week

I found out at church yesterday that this is Catholic education week. Sometimes I wonder whether I had a particularly bad school, because none of the purported benefits really struck true to me. No, I don't feel that I had "Catholic values" integrated into every part of my education. I ended up learning more about a lot of folk practices, and I did get some basic (very basic) religion classes. But, had the Catholic board had a high school with a good math and science programme, I probably never would have learned very much about my religion. Probably not until I went to university, if then.

I have to wonder though. I don't see anything about the way that the school was set up that could allow there to be a strong difference. From what I've heard from a teacher in the board, there's rules against things that could make a difference. The teachers really aren't allowed to discuss moral or religious decision making, not when it comes to anything serious. In theory, the advantage of a Catholic school would be that the teachers there are Catholic, or at least hold Catholic values. You should be able to turn to them for advice. Which is a lovely idea, if they weren't so worried about stepping on the parents' toes.

What did I get from my Catholic schooling? Well, in fairness my mom attributes her return to the church to it. I also got peer-pressure to make my confirmation (first communion and reconciliation don't bother me as much, although we did do them out of order), which was done at an age I consider too young anyhow. I also got a strong admiration for the public school board.

Breaking Strain

The Hymn of Breaking Strain

Rudyard Kipling, 1935

The careful text-books measure
(Let all who build beware!)
The load, the shock, the pressure
Material can bear.
So, when the buckled girder
Lets down the grinding span,
The blame of loss, or murder,
Is laid upon the man.
Not of the Stuff - the Man!

But, in our daily dealing
With stone and steel, we find
The Gods have no such feeling
Of justice toward mankind.
To no set guage they make us, -
For no laid course prepare -
And presently o'ertake us
With loads we cannot bear:
To merciless to bear.

The prudent text-books give it
In tables at the end -
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend -
What traffic wrecks macadam -
What concrete should endure -
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literaure,
To warn us or make sure!

We hold all Earth to plunder -
All Time and Space as well -
Too wonder-stale to wonder
At each new miracle;
Till in the mid-illusion
Of Godhead 'neath our hand,
Falls multiple confusion
On all we did or planned -
The mighty works we planned.

We only of Creation
(Oh, luckier bridge and rail!)
Abide the twin-damnation -
To fail and know we fail.
Yet we - by which sole token
We know we once were Gods -
Take shame in being broken
However great the odds -
The Burden or the Odds.

Oh, veiled and secret Power
Whose paths we seek in vain,
Be with us in our hour
Of overthrow and pain;
That we - by which sure token
We know Thy ways are true -
In spite of being broken,
Because of being broken,
May rise and build anew.
Stand up and build anew!

From http://www.cuug.ab.ca/~branderr/risk_essay/hymn_strain.html

The Clothes Make the Woman

So I think I may have figured out why it's such a big deal to me that I actually have a jacket, and will be dressed all fancily, rather than just throwing a shawl over my shoulders and saying "good enough". Logically, it would induce less guilt to dress well enough with a new dress than to buy a new jacket AND a new dress to be dressed well.

Now that I have the basics that everyone agrees on, here's where I will start being confusing. I had been really distressed by the idea that I wasn't going to be dressed well. And yes, the fact that I care that much about my clothing is quite sad. I was distressed to the point where I had, for a while before ordering a bolero, been looking for a jacket to wear. And the lace shawl really is ok... I wear stuff like that all the time.

I think that the key idea here is that if you're going to do something questionable, then make it worth while. Yes, normally buying a new jacket when it's not actually necessary is bad. And yes, obviously buying a dress that I might not wear more than once or twice (with that knowledge when I buy it) is obviously horrible. However, while logic might say that doing both is going to be worse than doing either, it doesn't quite work that way in this case. It's as if I was going to buy some fruit from South America. If I buy apples, which are easy to grow and nothing fancy, then that's worse than if I buy a mango, which I can't get any other way, right? (I sure hope so). I'm aware that it doesn't really change the fact that I bought foreign fruit, but at least I got something worthwhile out of it. Same idea with the jacket. Buying it doesn't change the fact that I bought a new outfit (from overseas at that), but it at least means that the new outfit is more worth it than it would be otherwise.

Now, even if this does make me stress less about caring about that, I still have to accept the fact that I am far too concerned over my clothes...

Retcon

Nothing to see here, move along.

Love Your Neighbour

It's amazing how much more of a burden that becomes when one realises that it's intended to apply to smokers too.

As I am now, so you will be

I'm trying to make good use of my time here in Goderich for the workterm. I've gone swimming once (cold) and intend to do so again (I never claimed that I was sensible). I also went out with one of my landlords' dogs this morning along a walking trail that goes over the river across the old CPR bridge.

It's quite the nice trail, old rail beds tend to be great for lazy people like me (when I have a purse and a dog I never feel like doing anything interesting, those two take up all my energy and strength). I went as far as the tomb of "Tiger" Dunlop (Dr. William Dunlop), one of the founders of the Canada Company. He and John Galt had a lot to do with the founding of the town of Goderich, as the port was developed for the settlers on the lands of the Canada Company.

Because of this history the tomb is something of a known attraction. Off the trail there is a little path leading up the hill.

After the level trail with fine gravel this little path with just dust and larger stones seems out-of-the way and untended. (Unless you're a lot more of a city kid than I am it's not). But once you get up to the top of the path there's a grassy clearing with a few pine trees. You can see that people obviously come up there not infrequently, because the grass is worn in a narrow band leading to a couple of benches set up by the tomb itself.

I read the plaque and took a little break, gave the dog some water and had some myself. I didn't sit though. I've never really been one to take long walks in graveyards, around the earthly remains of people I never knew. It set me to thinking - How would I feel if I knew that, after my death, my grave became what is essentially a minor tourist attraction? Are we showing respect or a lack thereof for Tiger Dunlop by trekking out to his lonely tomb and reading the plaque? He was more than incompetence and mismanagement, more than a town founder and politian. As I am now, so once was he. But just who am I?

Purpose

The old catechism asked "Why did God make me?" and answered with "God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world and be happy with Him forever in the next."

What does this mean? It means that our purpose is to love God, as happens from knowing him, which brings the desire to serve God. And because love is not something that can flow in one direction, it means that our purpose is to be loved by God. And God's love does not end, nor is it stingy. God loves us warts and all, no matter what we do. God wants to be there for us, and for us to be there for Him.

And God? Thank you for sharing.

Dust and Ashes

Yeah, so normally I wouldn't be big on posting about fasting, but no one reads this, and I have a habit of mentioning it anyhow. It makes for an interesting topic though, because it's always a toss-up on how to do so. Sr. Janet told some an interesting story about some students she once taught about fasting. In doing so though she made the comment that when fasting you're "supposed to go to bed hungry". I think that begs the question of what hungry is.

There's the usual hungry which means that you haven't eaten too much. As in how I need to get used to hungry if I don't want to start gaining weight again. But that doesn't seem like what you'd aim for when fasting. After all, what's the sacrifice in that? Then there's hungry in terms of your body craving food because it is desperately short of calories. Even ignoring the new guidelines that the Catholic Church has set out on fasting (basically eating less than two meals), that's laughable for fasting. (Please note that I'm talking only people who could be fasting. If you're in a state where one day without any food would put you into starvation, you oughn't be fasting at all.) Then there's what I went for - I could tell that more food at dinner would have been really nice.

But does "going to bed hungry" even refer to food? yes, I'm still talking about fasting here, but there is more to it than that. Hungry can be many things, and if you pick the right hunger, it will last a long time.

And, since I know it shows, I will just point out that for me lack of food would appear to last a long time too. That or the fact that I'm feverish again.

Inhuman Rights

Although not really from the end of the political spectrum that I tend towards (when I admit to existing on it at all that is) I am fond of the saying that the right to swing one's fist ends where the other's face begins. Our actions can hurt other people, and arguing that protecting others infringes on one's own rights just doesn't cut it. We all share this planet, and if a butterfly can produce a typhoon by getting from point a to point b the only way it knows how, ask how much damage we are guilty of, from ignorance, from laziness, from sense of entitlement. If we want to see how rich we are it's not appropriate to compare with those around us, those who have more than the earth can afford. Instead look to those overseas, who are living on less, since we have taken more.

Of course, I suspect that this sort of pontificating would be more tolerable coming from me if I hadn't lost my temper with my classmate & decided to make a point out of a small issue.

So this is looking to be an interesting year at guides. (It also looks like it might be the last for the seventh Waterloo guides, but that's a different story entirely). We have a very small company, making it easier to manage, but one of the girls is developmentally challenged.

This isn't the first time I've worked with a girl who has a hard time with what we expect of her, who can't remember to wait for the other girls, who doesn't sit well, who needs some extra attention, and a bit of leeway in the rules. It is, however, the first time I've had to do so as a guider (rather than just a teenager helping out.) Before, I was always able to turn to the guiders for help, and just follow their lead. Currently I have the most experience of any of the guiders in the company. I'm just not used to that sort of authority.

Having been put in the hot seat as I was, I have now been able to look back at some other circumstances where the guider in charge, who I have been known to look to as an all-knowing source of what to do (the image is really well kept), was out of her depth. It's a really odd feeling to have childhood icons knocked down to human size like that. Rather scary as a matter of fact. Especially when it starts to happen to parents.

Like most people, I found it really difficult to have to realise that my mother was once just like me, and to see parallels between where I am now, and realise that she was there once. But I did survive that. What's scary now is to realise how much like me she still is. There's no magic potion, no fairy who granted her a wish to all of a sudden become "mom" and be exempt from the doubts that plague her children. She still struggles with the same problems that plagued her at my age, and she is still the same person.

And despite the difficulty I am having in equating us, I am glad that she has done such a good job of hiding that.